I have thought about friendship a bunch over the past couple of years. I am of the opinion that people have three levels of friendship: primary, secondary, tertiary. Primary should be self-explanatory-best friends, basically. Secondary are those you want to be with when able, but not those that you need share every innermost thought, or feel a sense of loss if they are not in your life continually. Tertiary friends provide services that are agreeable and helpful, but they serve a purpose primarily. Most people only have a few primary friends, and a handful (or lots more) secondary friends. Tertiary friends are those that are turned to when useful, and then put aside until the need to have them around again re-arises.
Primary friends are those that need not be in your life each and every day; when in your presence, though, it is as though you have never been apart. Things just pick up same as the last time you were together. These people are precious, valued, treasured and important to you.
Secondary level friends are perhaps a step below those in the top tier, or even steps below. These are the people who you are glad to see when they walk into the room, people you want to sit with and catch up if you have not seen them in a bit. When they leave your life, though, it is not a cause for lamentation or despondency; if they will be back in your circle sooner or later, that is just fine. You enjoy their presence but are not torn up when they are not nearby. These are the people you invite to parties, gravitate toward when you are in social situations together, share details about your life and inquire about their lives in return. Need a fourth for golf-call a secondary friend. Since you probably only have a few primary friends in your life, you spend a good deal of your free time with those who comprise this tier. You enjoy their presence in your daily life; you do not crave their company, simply find it enjoyable to be with them in most situations.
Tertiary friends are utilized as they frequently serve a purpose, provide a specific benefit for you. They are not the people you consider when putting together a social event. Need a ride somewhere, or want to borrow some cash for a short period, these are the people you turn to. A tertiary friend is not one you immediately consider as a companion for times of relaxation or recreation; as noted, these people have utility as their primary attribute and aspect. They are not disagreeable, but you do not open up to them as you would a primary or perhaps a secondary friend.
©Ivar G. Anderson August 24, 2023
