Thursday, December 30, 2010

Fantasy Sports Warriors Slow Mock Draft

I am participating in a slow mock draft for the Fantasy Sports Warrior site.  This is a 16 team baseball draft, which consists of 22 rounds.  Typical 5x5 stats, that is to say, HR, R, RBI, AVG, SB & W, S, ERA, WHIP, K.  We will draft 13 offensive players (C, 1B, 2B, 3B, SS, CI, MI, OF, OF, OF, OF, OF, UT) and 9 Pitchers (SP and RP as we see fit.
Here's a link to the spreadsheet I have set up to track the draft on GoogleDocs.  Still trying to figure out how best to export this to Tableax Public, but don't hold your breath on that coming soon.  I have also embedded the spreadsheet below, but this may not be the best way to get the data, due to the size of the spreadsheet on this blog's page.  I have to think about this for the rest of the year before I decide if it works.

I will update as each round finishes or as time permits.  Any comments or suggestions regarding picks is appreciated. 
Note that my projections are based on the 2011 Bill James numbers, which I always found to be a bit conservative.  You can get your own glimpse of those projections by going to FanGraphs and looking over the individual player pages.  The projections tab will take to where you want to go.
Also, I will be running weekly mock drafts on Mock Draft Central for Fantasy Gameday come February until the end of spring training.  If you are interested in participating, just post a comment or go to the Fantasy Gameday site and leave us a message.  Or read my articles for the link to the drafts.  Hell, I'm easy.

The true story behind the Metrodome roof collapse

All we've been given to explain the collapse of the roof at the Metrodome is that one video taken by security cameras, that gave no clue as to the real cause.  Until now.  Thanks to the generous Walter Cherepinsky of Walter Football I am proud to present the truth to all my readers:

How did the roof collapse at the Metrodome? 

Note that you need to click on the image in this post for the GIF to play properly.  Or just go over to Walter's page at the link above.  We are all about giving you options at Planet 10.

100 Greatest Movie Insults of All Time

There are a number of these collections on YouTube.  Just do a search for hh1edits and revel in the glory.  Here's the latest I've found:

Dane Sanzenbacher mugshot

Also from the wonderful Walter Football site, take a gander at the image for Dane Sanzenbacher on his Wikipedia page.  Beauty, eh?

Friday, December 10, 2010

CNN makes a boo-boo

Live TV is filled with a lot of inane talking heads, especially on CNN, Fox, and MSNBC.  But then you get a brilliant bit of unintended humor like this:

A tip o' the cap to Midwest Sports Fans for alerting me to this gem.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Funny or Die: You Look Like Shit

Not too sure about the posting rules here, but I am assuming I have a bit more freedom than on Facebook.  Here's Funny or Die's video montage:

I have to admit, this struck a particular cord with me this weekend, after getting hit by a virus on Saturday night and then straining my back on Sunday evening/Monday morning.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Cami Secret Parody (Boob Apron)

Made by slave children overseas...

The Big Fuckin' Football Show: Pats/Browns

I recommend this highly.  Thanks to my good friend Andrea LaMont for the heads up.

I especially like Human Growth Harrison at the 1:10 mark.  "I played for Bill Belichick. He's a moody (mofo).    He hates Eric Mangini almost as much as he hates losing.  So when he loses to Eric Mangini, get the fuck out of the way of that 100 mph shitstorm."
Or Dungy Ghost almost immediately afterward:  "...his former protégé, which is the french word for peepee drinker."

Wednesday, November 03, 2010

Ochocinco: the voice of reason?

From NBC's PFT, quoting the imminently quotable Chad Ochocinco:

"If anyone else out there feels that Rex Grossman gives the Washington Redskins a better chance than Donovan McNabb to win a game with two minutes left on the clock," Ochocinco said, "they need to slap they selves."
All this because Mike Shanahan, the Redskins' head coach, tried to explain away his bizarre decision to bench his starting QB at the end of Sunday's game in Detroit against my hometown Lions in favor of the backup QB, "Sexy Rexy" Grossman.  Shanahan explained that McNabb lacked the cardiovascular fitness to run the two-minute drill.  Of course, I applaud the decision, since Grossman fumbled on the first snap from center, which led to Ndamukong Suh's stroll into the endzone while brushing off the attempted tackle of Santana Moss-see the video here.  I've railed against Shanahan in the past, most recently here on the FantasyGameday site (hey, check out our new, spiffy design!), but this act of desperation is a real reach.  Oh, well, helped the Lions get win number 2, so it's not all bad.
 UPDATE:  It now appears that the Redskins are working out JaMarcus that is beyond my capacity to comprehend.  At least he's apparently been cleared of the earlier codeine possession charges, or at least a grand jury failed to indict him on that charge.  Now that he's a model citizen, it would not be unexpected to read or hear about how he is "in the best shape ever during his NFL career."  I did read that he's dropped 35 pounds, but that doesn't exactly make him a svelte, elusive target for the defense to pursue-I predict that despite his tribulations, if he were to sign with another team, it would not be long before he regained his lackadaisical manner on and off the field. He still looks like a tub of goo, but I wish him and Mikey S. well.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


I am pretty sure I've praised Drew Magary of Deadspin and Kissing Suzy Kolber before, especially his work on tearing apart dissecting Peter King's MMQB piece for SI.  This description of pain, however, deserves its own posting:

Pain is a terribly lonely, isolating thing. It's like depression, only it comes armed. By definition, pain is the brain's way of letting you know something is wrong somewhere in your body. In that sense, pain is a thought. And it's a thought that, no matter how hard you try, you cannot possibly express to someone else. It's all your own. No one can know exactly what it feels like. No one else can feel it jumping in and out of various points on your body, like Nightcrawler disappearing and reappearing out of thin air. No one else knows about those times when it subsides, only to cruelly come roaring back because you somehow displeased it in some manner. Pain will occupy your every thought while it's around. You cannot think about anything else, and you cannot engage with anyone else on a meaningful level while you're suffering from it because FUCK THIS HURTS. It makes you a different person, one who is monstrously self-absorbed and all too aware of that fact. Whenever my back gives out and my leg begins screaming in pain, I always picture myself at 60 years old, too far gone for any useful treatment and condemned to spend the rest of my existence memorizing the ceiling tiles.
I've suffered a bit of pain in my life, including back pain and a month long bout of gout in both feet.  I must say, that is a great description of what pain is and how it can topple you with its cruel indifference.  Still, I prefer to read about happier things, like this.

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Some football information on the periphery

Walter Cherepinsky of the wonderful fantasy sports site, Walter Football, has some interesting observations with a football focus buried away in his week 5 picks report.  I will reproduce them for you, but I also suggest you bookmark his site if you are at all interested in football, fantasy or NFL, in any fashion.

Some random NFL notes I can't put anywhere else: 

1. Radio host Big Daddy Graham on 610 WIP (Philly sports talk) brought up a great point on Sunday night. He criticized Jason Avant for pointing toward the sky after he made a 6-yard reception against the Redskins. Like really, you need to thank God after a measly 6-yard catch? And where was God when the ball slipped out of your hands on the Hail Mary attempt at the end of the game? Avant should have looked toward the ground and made a fist at Satan at that point. 

2. If you've never had a concussion before, take a look into the mindset of Jay Cutler on Sunday night. Cutler tweeted while he had a concussion, and he had some interesting things to say on his Twitter account. 

3. What's up with NBC's stupid halftime feature called the Tiny Football League? First of all, no one cares about this. Except maybe Brad Childress and various child molesters. And second, I'm uncomfortable listening to a guy call two little kids "smooth and sweet." Not that there's anything wrong with that - I guess. 
 © 1999-2010 Walter Cherepinsky : all rights reserved

I will admit to following @NotJayCutler and @KingLaserFace on Twitter, but the tweets from Oct. 3rd are truly priceless (see link in item 2 above).

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Megatron's No-Catch

Anyone who has read this blog for a while knows I play fantasy sports.  The degree of my involvement has grown over the years from my first auto-drafted Yahoo league to now, where I am in 27 fantasy football leagues this season.  Even if I had Calvin Johnson on all my teams (I have him on a significant number this year, to be sure), I don't think I would get this upset (WARNING:  BAD LANGUAGE.  NSFW.):

I am all about passionate intensity
/rereads Willam Butler Yeats The Second Coming/
but this is a bit over the top.
Mitch Albom of the Freep has a more reasoned take on the incident, if you are interested.
And...for a even better analysis of the controversy, take a look at Eric Huber's article on Fantasy  As an attorney, I appreciate the way he analyzed the rules involved.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Handwriting analysis

It was my birthday, and my long time bartender and good friend Barbara had given me a birthday card.  It had a picture of a squirrel with an enormous scrotum on the cover, and made a joke about nuts inside.  She had included a handwritten note, which I thought was extremely touching.  I set it aside after reading it, and went back to making notes on the margins of the fantasy football newsletter I was reading.  The notes were for myF4PB (also know as Snowy Biscuit).  Barb came down and asked, "Could you read my note?"
"Of course."
"I have such bad handwriting," she complained.
"Don't be silly.  You write very well.  My handwriting, on the other hand, is awful.  Here," I said, turning my printout toward her.  "Look at this."
She took the paper and started reading out loud what I had just written about a head coach.  "That bald-headed sack of shit motherfu..."
"Umm, maybe the comment above that one?  At least, if you're gonna read it out loud."
She laughed.  "OK, your handwriting is worse.  But mine is bad, too."
"If that makes you happy."
A number of years ago I had made a New Year's resolution not to argue with Barbara, which had made life much easier, and I saw no reason to break it now.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Vignettes re Snowy Biscuit

Snowy Biscuit and I were sitting at the copper topped bar.  I had been explaining the differences in the meat they used for their burgers at 3B, including buffalo meat, and I asked if she had ever tried buffalo mozzarella.  "How is that possible?  Aren't all buffalo men?" she asked, absolutely serious.  I laughed so hard my stomach hurt; I had to lay my head on the bar I was laughing so hard.  When I recovered my composure, I said, "No, how in the world do you think buffalo make more buffalo?"  "Bulls," the Snowy One explained.  "I meant to say Bulls."

Prior to that, as Snowy and I were sitting at the bar, discussing fantasy football draft scheduling, two 20-something stunners wearing promotional sexy outfits, entered the bar by way of the back door.  Hot would have been an understatement.  I paused in mid-sentence when they strolled in, my eyes drawn to them immediately.  After a moment, when I had made sure my mouth wasn't hanging open, I returned my attention to my companion.  "They can't hold a candle to you."  She rewarded me with a stony gaze.  "I would never, ever do that."  I knew that.

The day manager at the restaurant was rebuking someone as Snowy took her place behind the bar.  The discussion had to do with arranging items properly in the bar.  "That's not even close to the level of the Queen of ODC," she said, indicating Snowy B. I let a beat pass, and exchanging a knowing glance with the Snowy One, said, "Well, it's pretty evident that you don't suffer from OCD," I finally said.  "Whatever," was the response, but Snowy turned to me when we were alone.  "I was waiting for you to pick up on that."  Did she ever doubt me, I wondered.

Friday, August 06, 2010

The Story of Antoine Dodson

I want to assure any of my readers that I realize rape is wrong.  Even so, this news report from Alabama makes me wonder why the local Detroit news stations cannot produce anything that even comes close to this wonderful piece of on-the-spot reporting.

There are plenty of remixes showing up on YouTube.  Here's my favorite:

Friday, June 25, 2010

WWTDD is back at it again, this time on the subject of Kate Gosselin's presumed botox misadventures:
"Kate Gosselin is built like a Gummy Bear and she has an army of young children but please don’t think that’s gonna stop her from dressing like an embarrassment or getting enough botox to paralyze Godzilla. She looks like the Grinch... Those poor kids. This bitch was scary enough with the constant flipping out and screaming, now a medical examination has concluded that she looks like the devil. Maybe when she goes to kiss her kids goodnight she can hold a flashlight under her chin too."
Anyone interested in the entire post, click Kate Gosselin might have gotten botox

Wednesday, May 05, 2010


Recently discovered, I truly enjoy the irreverent posts on What Would Tyler Durden Do?, especially this partial quote from the post on Lindsay Lohan and her deposition:
"You could go to a civil war graveyard, bring someone back to life and even they would know more about what happened that night than Lindsay, just through sheer guesswork and deduction"

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The Lost Art of Dislocation


The Lost Art of Dislocation
I had heard her approaching but instead of turning and greeting her, I continued doing what I'd been doing for the past ten minutes.
"What the hell are you doing?" Sheila asked.
I put the quarter in the slot, turned the handle and watched the arrow line up on the one hour mark.
“I would have thought that was evident." I now turned to face her, "I was bored and I began to pace. All this change in my pockets jingled, and it bugged the shit out of me. So I decided to get rid of it. These parking meters were more fun than throwing the coins down the sewer grating."
"Sure." She took my arm. "Let's go, we’re late. I know it's my fault, but let's not discuss that now."
I allowed her to lead me to her car. We drove in silence until we left town. Then: "Are you mad at me?"
"No." I stared out the window. Between wisps of cloud, I could see the stars. "I don't get angry with people. It's a waste of time."
"O.K. I forgot. You just dislocate from them, isn't that right?" I nodded. "Have you dislocated from me?"
I thought a moment. "I guess so."
"I'm sorry I was late. You know why I was held up.  We don't have to go into that now, do we?" Sheila was driving very mechanically, stiffly. I began to worry about our safety.
"No. Remember what we saw in the movie on Friday?
How the hero explained his attitude? 'People think I'm indifferent, but I just respect personal freedom,' or words to that effect. I try to feel the same way. So, to answer your question, No, we don't have to go into that now." I paused, then added, "Or ever."
"But then I'll feel guilty. Your devotion and trust outweigh mine," Sheila swung around a dead animal on the expressway.
I shrugged. "So? Who ever said that we were equal in our attitudes? Not me certainly. I believe that sameness leads to stagnation. A relationship needs excitement, a small amount of friction between the partners."
"Well," Sheila smiled, turning on the radio, "we certainly have friction."
I reached out, pushed the cassette into the tape player, cutting out the radio. I listened to the music, trying to identify it. Sheila spoke. "The trouble is you are too good a person."
"Ha!" I laughed. "I'm only good about certain things. I do have my bad traits, character faults. But that was a nice compliment. Thank you."
"What I meant was that you treat other people too nicely. What did Leo Durocher say? 'Good guys finish last.'"
"Tell me. Do you think I'm finishing last?"
Sheila shook her head. "No. So I guess Leo was wrong."
I finally identified the music. Roxy Music's For Your Pleasure. "I just don't want to even compete. If I avoid competition, how can I finish last, or even first? There is no reason for me to turn this into a contest. The hell with that."
"Don't you think that might turn some people off? That it might seem as though you don't care?"
"What is this 'some people' bullshit? Don't get cute with this third person crap. Tell me the truth, do you think I don't care?"
Sheila drove along in silence for a moment. I returned to my window, watching the stars thru the clouds. Finally, "No, I'm certain you do care. It's just that a girl likes to be shown how much she means to someone, sorry, how much she means to you."
Sheila stopped the car. We got out walked down to the shore. "I care," I told her.
Sheila slipped her arm around me, as we watched the sun rise over the ocean. Her face was warm against my shoulder.
We sat down on the sand, letting the waves wash over our legs. "I know. I just like to make sure. I'm insecure, you know."
The sun felt warm on my face. "I never would have guessed."

© Ivar G. Anderson 1980

Monday, April 26, 2010


Elizabeth (Lily) Bollinger on champagne:

"I drink it when I'm happy and when I'm sad.
Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone.
When I have company I consider it obligatory.
I trifle with it if I'm not hungry and I drink it when I am.
Otherwise I never touch it, unless I'm thirsty."

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

3 Best Pieces of Advice

Via Monique Marvez:
"Love hard.
Forgive harder.
And get as happy as you can, as fast as you can."

Great advice.  Funny lady, too.

Sunday, March 21, 2010


There is a sense of satisfaction when events work out without much effort on your part to let things develop naturally.  The refusal to abruptly react to an unexpected disturbance, but rather simply stepping back, observing calmly what has and is transpiring, and only deftly guiding circumstances with a gentle nudge-as opposed to a violent reaction-fits in well with an early training in non-confrontational existence.
It may be perceived as fear, being too paralyzed to act, but do not waver from the chosen course of (in)action.  It is often better to stand aside and all the tide to ebb and flow, since your acts will often have little effect on the transpiring events.
© Ivar G. Anderson 2010

Entrées I can make without a recipe

There are a number of dinners/lunches/breakfasts one can cook without having to look at a cookbook.  Here is my list:
1.  Spaghetti and meatball (or sausage, shrimp, etc.)
2.  Chicken saltimbucca
3.  Ribs
4.  Grilled Salmon
5.  Grilled Tuna steak
6.  Macaroni and cheese with crispy crust
7.  Sausages with peppers and onions
8.  Pork tenderloin
9.  Shredded Brussel Sprouts with mustard
10.  Roasted Aspargus
11.  Baked potato rubbed with salt
12.  Fajitas
13.  Fried Rice
14.  Risotto
15.  Sweet potato fries
16.  Moque Chou
17.  Mango Salsa
18.  Guacamole

Top Movies

Here is a list of my all-time favorite movies. 
  1. Streets of Fire
  2. Repo Man
  3. The Man Who Would Be King
  4. The Sin of Harold Diddlebock
  5. Caddyshack
  6. Rio Lobo
  7. Kelly's Heroes
  8. Blazing Saddles
  9. Young Frankenstein
  10. The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension
  11. Army of Darkness
  12. Cousin, Cousine
  13. Where Eagles Dare
  14. Princess Bride
  15. Animal House
  16. Strictly Ballroom
  17. Phantasm
  18. The Natural
  19. All's Well That Ends Well
  20. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
  21. Grosse Pointe Blank
  22. The Big Red One
  23. The Sandlot
  24. Casablanca

Monday, March 15, 2010

Auction Value spreadsheet

I've put together an auction value spreadsheet which incorporates my values for hitters and pitchers, too.  Since auctions are gaining in popularity with ESPN, Yahoo and CBS all offering the option, I thought it wise to offer some sort of guide post for the fantasy world.
I also managed to grab values from 3 sources and average the auction values.  Here's the link to Google Docs where my 2010 MLB Average Auction Values spreadsheet resides.  I am not entirely certain this is the best source of information for those of you in auction drafts, but consider it as another source.  My advice is to find a source of auction values that you trust and run with that.  Oh, and don't forget to adjust for inflation.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Target Rankings spreadsheet for fantasy baseball

Thanks to the efforts of Chris Spencer at Fantasy Baseball Trade Market, I have put together a Target Rankings spreadsheet based on my projections for the top 350 (actually, with the adjustments I made to the list, both are now 349) pitchers and batters in MLB for 2010.  The fun part about this tool is that it let's you rank your roster after a draft by selecting the players you drafted and with a simple SUM function, see how close you are to your leagues targets out of the gate.  You can then adjust your roster to adapt to the perceived deficiencies on your team.  Here is the link to a 10 team league and a 12 team league spreadsheet.  You can adjust the results by altering the values on the BB target worksheet, changing the number of  hitters and/or pitchers your league uses and of course, the target values you need to succeed.
Note: Both the 12 team and 10 team spreadsheets are available on Scribd, too.

Monday, March 08, 2010

2010 Fantasy Baseball Tiered Cheatsheet and Projections spreadsheets

After much number crunching, I have compiled the projections from 11 different sources and put together my spreadsheets for both pitchers and batters, as well as my first version of the tiered cheatsheet that I've produced the last couple of seasons.  This year I went with a ranking system for the spreadsheets, and ended up with a zTotal column for ranking purposes.  We'll see how it all shakes out, but it seems that the larger and more varied the source of my data, the deviation will be lessened and the risk of one set of projections skewing my results is reduced.  I will post these on FantasyGameday sometime during this week, depending on our publishing schedule.  In the meantime, here are the links to the 3 fantasy draft tools that I've posted to Google Docs:
Hitters rankings
Pitchers rankings
Tiered cheatsheet

Friday, February 12, 2010

A curse

I listen to ESPN Radio's Fantasy Focus podcasts during baseball and football seasons, just to pick up advice regarding my fantasy teams.  Recently, Nate Ravitz and Matthew Berry have returned to talk about baseball, and in the most recent podcast on February 9, 2010, a listener named Lucas cursed Nate with the following:
"I wish mediocre to sub-par things upon you in all your future endeavors."
Personally, I love this level of curse, as it seems entirely possible to occur.  I shall make an effort to use this whenever appropriate from this point on.  It will probably result in less rancor than my current curse from The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai in the 8th Dimension:
Lord John Worfin:  "Sealed with a curse as sharp as a knife. Doomed is your soul and damned is your life."

Excerpt from Drew Magary's column on Deadspin

I was reading Drew Magary's column on Deadspin at a local restaurant, and had to stop several times and actually tear my eyes away from the print before me when I tried to read this portion of the article, due to uncontrollable laughter.  That probably indicates that something is seriously wrong with how my humor center in my brain is wired, but here it is for you to decide.  Be forewarned, this is not for the scatalogically challenged.

"Jake sends in a story I call LOOK WHO'S POOPING:
My kid was about 1 or 1 1/2 when he started going through a poop phase. He was obsessed with poop. He would insist on looking at a shitty diaper after he destroyed it, with a "yeah that's right, say my name, bitch!" look on his face. He would talk about it all the time in public ("Daddy I have a HUGE LOAD in my pants"). He would barge into the bathroom when I was dropping anchor and insist on taking a look at my craftwork. He even went through a period where he would stick his finger in his ass and then put it in his mouth and say "it's yummy" (by the way this was super fucked up and scarred me for life).
So one day, just after breakfast, he drops a load and my wife goes to change him. She lays him back on the changing table, takes his shitty diaper off, wraps it up, and turns to put it in the diaper genie. She looks away and then turns back, leaning over him to coo or sing or make goo goo noises or whatever chicks do. What she did not realize was that the little fecophile had stuck his hand down into his ass while she was looking away and now had what could best be described as a shit mitten. So she is singing away and he reaches up and fish hooks her with the shit mitten. Just jams his hand in her mouth and yanks down on her jaw, scraping poo off his hand with her teeth (ever eat an artichoke?). It took a second or two for her to realize he had shit all over his hands...and that she, therefore, now had a mouthful of baby shit. She gagged and was so disgusted that she promptly VOMITED ON THE BABY and started crying hysterically, which of course made the baby start crying. I heard the commotion and by the time I walked in, they were both screaming and crying, covered in regurgitated Special K and poo. My wife ran over to the bathroom and I actually saw her SPIT POO in the sink (definitely NOT a turn on). Meanwhile, the baby quickly went from crying to laughing, looks up at me innocently and says "Daddy, I'm POOOPY!" Roger that.
That reminds me of a story my wife once told me. When she worked in an office, she had a co-worker named Mike (not his real name). One time, Mike brought his three-year-old to work with him, to show her his desk and all that. Anyway, the kid has to go to the bathroom, so Mike takes her and she goes and does her thing. Then, she comes out of the stall and says to Mike, HEY DADDY, GUESS WHAT? Mike says, "What?" And the kid takes her finger, smeared in poop, and drags it across his upper lip. No lie. A Dirty Sanchez from your own kid. KIDS ARE FUCKING EVIL."

 © Deadspin 2010