I threatened my friends that I would post these stories once I got a blog. So here goes:
1. My friend was dating a woman who had put on considerable weight since the beginning of their relationship. One day, while sitting in line at a fast food restaurant, his cell phone rings. It's her. "Honey, I am thinking about buying some butt beads. Do you think I should?" she asks.
"Hey, if they make your ass look smaller, go ahead," was his reply.
Understandably, this response did not go over very well.
2. My favorite bartender, for some strange reason, was discussing her SO's underwear. "He has these holes in the ass area," she told me. "I asked him, 'What do you do at work, just sit around all day and blow farts as hard as possible out of your ass and rip holes in your shorts?'"